Eh, on second thought...

Yeah OK, never mind...wasn't working out like I planned, so we're back to the normal format...rejoice you lucky, lucky people...

Today is the last day of September so let's do a recap...

September had such notable monthly observances such as Baby Safety Month...be safe and you won't have any...Great American Breakfast Month...an American Continental Breakfast being a cup of coffee, a donut and a cigarette...and of course International Gay Square Dance Month...really, I don't make this stuff up...

We had such weekly celebrations like National Tools of the Trade Week...don't be a tool...Substitute Teacher Appreciation Week...they always let you get away with stuff...

And Daily Holidays like Emma M. Nutt Day...the first telephone operator...Be Late for Something Day...got that covered...and yesterday was National Ham Day AND National Pancake Day...nice combo...

Some interesting September facts for you:

September begins on the same day of the week as December every year, because there are 91 days separating September and December, which is a multiple of seven (the amount of days in the week)...now that's some heavy trivia...

In 1752, the British Empire adopted the Gregorian calendar. In the British Empire that year, September 2 was immediately followed by September 14...I've done that, passed out one day and woke up 12 days later...never did find my shoes...

Today's birthdays:

1931- Angie Dickinson...seriously smackable in her day...
1957- Fran Drescher...I'd hit it as long as she didn't talk...
1971- Jenna Elfman...Dharma and Greg hottie...

"I like writing better. Because I don't have to wear makeup, I don't have to be thin, and I don't have to remember lines."

Fran Drescher

Same reason I do it...

Have a nice day; now get back to work...

Format change up

I'm going to try something a bit different for a while.  Shorter posts, but more posts throughout the day.  Maybe a bit more topical and current and a little less trivial...we'll see how it goes...

Cheers

Get after it

Don't be afraid, it's just another Monday...

September is Self-Improvement Month...just do the best you can...

This is Snack a Pickle Time Week...seriously; I don't make this stuff up...

Today is Yom Kippur...Jewish Day of Atonement...which has nothing to do with Kippered Snacks, although eating them would atone for something...I'm sure I'll hear from the JDL over this...

On this day in:

935: Saint Wenceslas is murdered by his brother, Boleslaus I of Bohemia...and later is remembered in a Christmas Carol...not the movie dummy, the song...
1787: The newly completed United States Constitution is voted on by the U.S. Congress to be sent to the state legislatures for approval...thank god they weren't debating health care...
1889: The first General Conference on Weights and Measures (CGPM) defines the length of a meter as the distance between two lines on a standard bar of an alloy of platinum with ten percent iridium, measured at the melting point of ice...yeah, what he said...

Today's birthdays:

1987 - Hilary Duff...yeah, I'd hit it...but that's just me...
1970 - Mira Sorvino...hit it like the hand of an angry god...twice...
1968 - Naomi Watts...of course, her too...

Yes, I am a pig...

"I'll talk to myself out loud a lot."

Mira Sorvino

But does she answer herself?

Have a nice day; now get back to work...

Another week down...

See, that wasn't so damn hard now, was it?

September is Update Your Resume Month...you know, just in case...although I'm not sure how to describe what I do as a job...

This has been Tolkien Week...good ol' J.R.R. and his Fellowship...

Today is National One Hit Wonders Day...how many "One Hit Wonders" did you like?...how many can you list?...then go on YouTube or some torrent somewhere and look 'em up...

On this day in:

1513: Spanish explorer Vasco Núñez de Balboa reaches what would become known as the Pacific Ocean...I think "Vasco" was Rocky's middle name...must be related...
1789: The U.S. Congress passes twelve amendments to the United States Constitution: the Congressional Apportionment Amendment, the Congressional Compensation Amendment, and the ten that are known as the Bill of Rights...could you imagine Congress trying to do that today???Bwahahahaha...
2002: The Vitim event, a possible bolide impact in Siberia, Russia...Russia always seems to get hit by this stuff...

Today's birthdays:

1944- Michael Douglas...dirty old man married to Catherine Z-Jones...
1951- Mark Hamill..."no Luke, today is your birthday"...
1968- Will Smith...kinda famous and talented guy married to Jada...lucky, lucky, lucky...
1969- Catherine Zeta-Jones...married to that dirty old man Michael Douglas...

"I don't know about Brad Pitt leaving that beautiful woman to go hold orphans for Angelina. I mean how long is that going to last?"
Michael Douglas

Says the dirty old man married to Catherine Z-Jones...bastage...

Have a nice day; have a great weekend; see you on Monday; now get back to work...

No, it doesn't make sense...

Happy Friday Eve...

September is National Please Your Mate Month...Pleasure Your Mate would be interesting...unless we're talking bunkmates or cellmates...that's a different story...

This is the start of National Take Charge of Your TV Week...I have 80 channels of crap, there's nothing to take charge of...

Today is Punctuation Day...period...

On this day in:

622: Prophet Muhammad completes his hijra from Mecca to Medina...with his 9 year old wife in tow...and I'll stop now before I get a Jihad or Fatwa or something called on my ass...
1906: U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt proclaims Devils Tower in Wyoming as the nation's first National Monument...it was a deal with the space aliens...speaking of which...
1947: Majestic 12 is allegedly established by secret executive order of President Harry Truman...see...space aliens I tells ya...

No, it’s not really ever supposed to really make sense...

Today's birthdays:
Note-no one interesting or famous that was born today is still alive so I bring you "dead people's birthdays" today...or something like that...

1921-2008 Jim McKay...ABC Wide World of Sports guy...
1936-1990 Jim Henson...of Muppets fame...
1948-1998 Phil Hartman...failed to follow the rule #42 "never marry anyone crazier then yourself", especially if she's a deranged drug addict...

"Life's like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending."
Jim Henson

I believe I'm done for the day and I'll pretend that you care...

Have a nice day; now get back to work...

Business is good...

Hump day Hijinx...

September is Humor in Business Month...humor is my business and business is good...

This is the beginning of National Dog Week...let yourself go to the dogs...

Today the pickin's are really slim so I declare today "Make Your Own Daily Holiday" Day...these celebrations require you to take an extra long lunch and go home early from work...

On this day in:
1779: A squadron commanded by John Paul Jones on board the USS Bonhomme Richard wins the Battle of Flamborough Head, off the coast of England, against two British warships...the "I have not yet begun to fight" guy...who would later become the bass player for Led Zeppelin...
1780: British Major John André is arrested as a spy by American soldiers exposing Benedict Arnold's change of sides...both would late be sent to Gitmo and water boarded...
1889: Nintendo Koppai (Later Nintendo Company, Limited) is founded by Fusajiro Yamauchi to produce and market the playing card game Hanafuda...Nintendo was founded in 1889...18-frakking-89...OMFG...

Today's birthdays:
1920: Mickey Rooney...still with us and has been married 8 times...
1949: Bruce Springsteen...seriously, Bruce writes better than he sings...have you heard him trying to sing "Blinded by the Light"?...painful...
1959: Jason Alexander...ok, whatever...never did watch Seinfeld...

"A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short."
"I'm the only man in the world with a marriage license made out to whom it may concern."
"When I say I do, the justice of the peace replies, 'I know, I know..."
Mickey Rooney

He was married to Ava Gardner...he must be able to do something right...

Have a nice day; now get back to work...

Happy Autumn

Happy Tuesday and first day of Autumn (although I guess Autumn doesn't officially start until tonight)...

September is National Subliminal Marketing Month SUBSCRIBE TO MY BLOG...and I have filled this post with hidden messages...SEND MY BLOG TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS...

Today ends National Singles Week READ MY BLOG ALL THE TIME...I usually take my singles and stick them in a pole dancer's g-string...which is what single men do...FORWARD THIS BLOG...

Today is National "Dear Diary" Day as well as National Elephant Appreciation Day..."Dear Diary, I really like Elephants"...SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL BLOGGER...

On this day in:

1692: Last people hanged for witchcraft in the United States...and we've come so far in getting past our irrational fears, you know like death panels...
1776: Nathan Hale is hanged for spying during American Revolution...was he a witch?
2006: The F-14 Tomcat is retired from the United States Navy...it had the need, the need for speed...

Today's birthdays:

1956:  Debby Boone...too squeaky clean for me...
1960:  Joan Jett...heh, just about right...she can bring her girl friend...
1987:  Tom Felton...Draco Malfoy of Harry Potter fame...he can have Debby...

"I figured out it was a social thing, what women were allowed to do. At a very young age, I decided I was not going to follow women's rules."
Joan Jett

And God bless her for that...

Have a nice day, now get back to work...

DON'T FORGET TO TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THIS BLOG

Hey, thanks for stopping by...

Yeah I know, it's Monday...

September is National Shameless Promotions Month...so tell all your friends about this blog and spread it around like mono at a High School Prom...

This is the beginning of Banned Books Week as well as Religious Freedom Week...the word "irony" comes to mind...

Today is World Gratitude Day...hey, thanks for reading...

On this day in:
1827: Joseph Smith, Jr. is reportedly visited by the angel Moroni, who gave him a record of gold plates, one-third of which Smith has translated into The Book of Mormon...I woulda melted them down and sold them and then spent the money on booze and hookers...but that's just me...
1897: The "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" is published in the New York Sun...in September as opposed to say, December, or even November...which reminds me, I saw the first Xmas TV commercial of the season yesterday...oye...
1937: J. R. R. Tolkien's The Hobbit is published...extra bonus points if you can name all the dwarves that accompanied Bilbo, and don't give me any of Snow White's dwarves' names smart ass...

Today's birthdays:

1947- Stephen King...writes scary books that people turn into terrible movies...
1950- Bill Murray...makes funny movies people laugh at...
1981- Nicole Richie...genuinely have no clue what she does...

"People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy... and I keep it in a jar on my desk."

Stephen King

well...alrightythen...

Have a nice day, now get back to work

Damn near forgot a title...how about...Happy Friday...that'll do

Yeah, I know, I'm running late...

But hey, it's Friday...

September is National Rehabilitation Month...rehab is for quitters...

We're in the middle of National Farm Animals Awareness Week...I refuse to pick the low hanging fruit...OK, on second thought, I am aware of farm animals when they show up on my dinner plate...

Today is the Birthday of the Air Force...off you go, into the wild blue yonder...

On this day in:

1793: The first cornerstone of the Capitol building is laid by George Washington...which hides the first clue to finding the Lost Ark, or the Holy Grail, or something I'm sure...
1809: The Royal Opera House in London opens...and the fat lady has been singing ever since...
1838: The Anti-Corn Law League is established by Richard Cobden...and now we have birthers and deathers...lets just keep protesting corn...
1873: The Panic of 1873 begins...OMG!!!...extra bonus points if you know what they were in a panic about...
2009: The 72 year run of the soap opera The Guiding Light ends as its final episode is broadcast...72 years!?!?...turn out the Guiding Light, the party's over...

Todays Birthdays:

1905-1990 Greta Garbo...the mysterious Swedish hotness of her day...
1939 Frankie Avalon...who got to do Beach Blanket Bingo (damn near typed "Bimbo") with Annette Funicello...
1961 James Gandolfini...what's your favorite Gandolfini role?
1971 Jada Pinkett Smith...Will Smith's smokin' hot wife...Will drops the ball and I'll be so there to pick it up...cuz you know she'd be hot for a pudgy middleaged whiteguy...
1971 Lance Armstrong...Tour de France, blah, blah...he got to do Sheryl Crow...that's the important thing...

"Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever."
Lance Armstrong

uh, yeah, ok...



Have a nice day, now get back to work...

In the dark Thursday...

Greetings Earth Critter...

September is National Mushroom Month...we're gonna keep you in the dark about it...

This is National Singles Week...a week to celebrate eating a Lean Cuisine over the sink and spending too much time on the interwebs...

Today is Citizenship Day...I want to see the real copy of your birth certificate, please...

Today in:

1630: The city of Boston, Massachusetts is founded...Happy Birthday Beantown...

1787: The United States Constitution is signed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania...thank God they weren't debating health care...

1814: Francis Scott Key finishes his poem The Star-Spangled Banner...that would be the National Anthem, extra bonus points if you can name the National Hymn...

1859: Joshua A. Norton declares himself "Emperor Norton I" of the United States...and everyone is so worried about a few "Czars"...

1920: The National Football League is organized in Canton, Ohio, United States...eventually leading to Football Widows across the country...

Today's birthdays:

1928-1998 Roddy McDowall...great in movies, TV and voice-overs in cartoons...
1931-2005 Anne Bancroft...coo-coo-ca-choo Mrs. Robinson...
1935-2001 Ken Kesey...brought us One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and The Merry Pranksters...extra bonus points if you know the name they gave the bus they drove around in...
1948-2003 John Ritter...who made us laugh...
And finally, someone who's still alive
1951 Cassandra Peterson...you know her better as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark...the woman who can give teenaged boys scary wetdreams...

"Most people don't know that I am an accomplished dramatic actor... But I've performed in several Shakespeare productions including Hamlet, except in this version, Hamlet lives in an apartment with two women, and has to pretend he's gay so that the landlord won't evict him."

John Ritter

And still making us laugh...

Have a nice day, now get back to work...

Trippin' Cities...

Halfway there...you can do it...

September is Pain Awareness Month...give until it hurts...

This week is City Tripping Week as well as Balance Awareness Week...I see a connection here...

Today is National Stay Away From Seattle Day...fine, if that's the way you want it...

On this day in:

1810 Mexico begins the fight for independence from Spain...with a rebel yell (from a priest no less)...

1908 General Motors is founded and is still hanging in there (you're welcome GM)...

1960 College football coach Amos Alonzo Stagg (1862-1965), then ninety-eight years old, announced his retirement after seventy years on the field...no one tell Brett Farve for God sake...

Birthdays today:

1924 Lauren Bacall...way smokin' hot in her day...turned Humphrey Bogart into a dirty old man...and then married him...
1925 BB King...still in love with his Lucille...
1956 Mickey Rourke...I like him better now...

"No coach ever won a game by what he knows; it's what his players have learned."
Amos Alonzo Stagg

You tell'em Coach...

Have a nice day, now get back to work...

Don't lose hope...

Goodmorning Sunshine...thanks for joining me...

It is Tuesday and at this point you are losing hope that you can make it to the weekend...

Cowboy up...

September is Metaphysical Awareness Month...and if you had Metaphysical powers you would have already known that...

Today ends Protecting Your Home Furnishings Week...yeah, like when your mom used to keep the plastic on the furniture until you had company...

Today is Born to be Wild Day...so crank up the Steppenwolf and get after it...

On this day in:

1831 – The locomotive John Bull operates for the first time in New Jersey on the Camden and Amboy Railroad...but wait, there's more...

1835-The HMS Beagle, with Charles Darwin aboard reaches the Galapagos Islands...leading eventually to The Darwin Awards...

1981 – The John Bull becomes the oldest operable steam locomotive in the world when the Smithsonian Institution operates it under its own power outside Washington, D.C...150 years strong baby...

Today's birthdays:

1946- Oliver Stone...who shares a birthday with...
1946- Tommy Lee Jones...Elderstatesman of Badassery...
1984- Prince Harry of Wales...who doesn't look a bit like his "dad"...odd that, don't you think?

"I don't fight anybody anytime or anywhere."
Tommy Lee Jones

He doesn't need to...he's Tommy Lee Jones...

Have a nice day, now get back to work

I'm baa-aack...

I'm baa-aack...
A good blog is hard to keep down

September is Healthy Aging® Month...aging apparently is now a registered trademark, so I'll just skip it all together, thanks...

Tomorrow finishes up International Housekeepers Week...if we're talking international, make mine the French Maid...I'm thinking Audrey Tautou

Today is National Day of Prayer and Remembrance as well as Pregnant Women's Day...I see the pattern there, but that's just me...

Today in:
1814 – The poem Defence of Fort McHenry is written by Francis Scott Key. The poem is later used as the lyrics of The Star-Spangled Banner...and later set to the tune of an old English drink song, somehow so appropriate...

1901 – President of the United States William McKinley dies after an assassination attempt on September 6, and is succeeded by Theodore Roosevelt...who they had made VP to keep him out of the way...amazing how things can happen...

1994 – The Major League Baseball season is canceled because of a strike...and seriously, did anybody really notice?

Todays birthdays:

1948 Sam Neill (actor) of Jurassic Park fame, as well as In The Mouth of Madness which was a really good scary movie
1944 Joey Heatherton (actor) who was really smokin' hot in the day
1938 Walter Koenig (actor) of Star Trek fame
1914 Clayton Moore (actor) TV's Lone Ranger

"As much as possible, I try to encourage people to use stunt men because that is really their job."
Sam Neill

Indeed Sam, indeed...

Have a nice day, now get back to work